Skip to main content

Why the next president of Russia will be hairy



Since 1825 there has been a bizarre, yet remarkably consistent, pattern among rulers of Russia and based on this predictable pattern it's safe to say that the next Russian president will have a full head of hair.

When Nicholas I became the emperor of Russia in 1821, it was noted that the 29-year-old tsar was rapidly losing his hair; by the end of his reign in 1855, Nicholas had become quite bald. Alexander II, who replaced Nicholas, was rather hirsute by comparison, with a full head of hair and a majestic beard. Even at the time of his death at age 62 in 1881, Tsar Alexander II still had most of his hair. Yet his son, Alexander III, who became the next emperor or Russia, was noticeably bald. And through the rest of the 19th and 20th centuries, right up to the present day, this bizarre pattern of Bald Leader-Hairy Leader continues, with Putin and his thinning hair following in the footsteps of Dmitry Medvedev and his glorious coif.

While this strange pattern is fodder for much joking among Russia's political journalists, could this pattern be more than just mere coincidence? We're not sure, but our advice is that if you're placing bets on who will succeed Vladimir Putin after the next Russian presidential election in 2018, the smart money is on the guy with the most hair.

Below, you will find the likenesses of all Russian rulers from Tsar Nicholas I to Vladimir Putin, and you can see for yourself the strange bald-hairy pattern which has existed for nearly 200 years.

Nicholas I (1825-1855)
Alexander II (1855-1881)

Alexander III (1881-1894)
Nicholas II (1894-1917)
Georgy Lvov (1917)
Alexander Kerensky (1917)
Vladimir Lenin (1917-1924)
Joseph Stalin (1924-1953)
Nikita Khrushchev (1953-1964)
Leonid Brezhnev (1964-1982)
Yuri Andropov (1982-1984)
Konstantin Chernenko (1984-1985)
Mikhail Gorbachev (1985-1991)
Boris Yeltsin (1991-1999)
Vladimir Putin on right (2000-2008) and Dmitry Medvedev on left (2008-2012)
Putin again (2012-present)
The next president of Russia: Hairy!
 

Popular posts from this blog

The Incest Capital of the World?

At the far eastern edge of Kentucky, nestled in Appalachia, resides Letcher County. In spite of its isolation and poverty (approximately 30% of the county's population lives below the poverty line), Letcher County has managed to grow at an impressive rate, from a population of just 9,172 in 1900 to a present-day population of nearly 25,000. However, even if Letcher County tripled or quadrupled its present population, there's still a pretty good chance that virtually all of the county's inhabitants would be related to each other-- thanks to one particularly fertile family whose astounding rate of reproduction can put even the friskiest rabbit to shame.

Around the year 1900, Letcher County was the home of a man by the name of Jason L. Webb, who made national headlines for having the one of the largest families in the world. According to newspaper reports of the era, Jason had 19 children, 175 grandchildren, and 100 great-grandchildren. Perhaps even more impressive was his b…

Remembering the ill-fated voyage of the Aerowagon

From 1917 to 1922, the Bolshevik-led Red Army battled the anti-Communist White Army during the Russian Civil War.  By the end of 1919 the Bolsheviks had taken the cities of Omsk and Kiev, and had successfully repelled the White Russian siege of Petrograd.  However, the Bolshevik's momentum would be short-lived as the White Army, after retreating across the Baikal, regrouped and joined forces with Gigory Semyonov's Transbaikal Cossacks.  As the Red Army's losses began to mount, especially in Poland, the Bolsheviks attempted to gain a competitive advantage by embracing new technologies, sometimes with disastrous results.  Such is the sad tale of young inventor Valerian Abakovsky and his Aerowagon.

Abakovsky was a Latvian-born inventor who earned his living as a chauffeur for Cheka, the state security organization created by Lenin.  His position granted him access to many high-ranking Soviets and, although details are scarce, Abakovsky most likely used his influence within t…

Black Eyed Children Finally Explained!

Last month, we received an email from a reader in Michigan, in response to our article debunking the "black eyed children" phenomenon, which links these so-called "paranormal" entities to recreational drug use.  The reader, whom we will call Onizuka in order to protect his identity, claims that not only is he familiar with BEKs- but that he was one.  "Onizuka" agreed to speak with JOTB via Yahoo instant messenger.  Ironically, this conversation took place on 4/20, a date which is embraced by those who are part of the drug culture.


JOTB:Thanks for taking the time to speak with us.  In one of your previous emails, you stated that you were a "black eyed kid".  What did you mean by that?

Onizuka:  Last November I was driving late at night at turned on the radio and came across an episode of Coast to Coast AM and the topic of the show was black eyed children.  It convinced me to do some research on the topic, and that's how I found your article.  A…